BY HSU-HUAI, CHIU, M.D. NEUROLOGIST
One of the first things that changes after becoming a parent is sleep.
Most people expect to sleep less. What is harder to understand is why they can still feel exhausted after getting what seems like a reasonable number of hours.
The answer may be that sleep is not only about duration. It is also about continuity.
Six hours of sleep isn’t always six hours of sleep
Our sleep moves through different stages throughout the night, including non-REM and REM sleep. Normally, these stages form repeated cycles.
But imagine sleeping for six hours while waking up every one or two hours to feed a baby, check on a child, or respond to crying. Even if you fall asleep again quickly, that night is very different from six uninterrupted hours.
This is called sleep fragmentation.
It is one reason parents sometimes say, “I slept, but I still feel like I didn’t.”
After a fragmented night, concentration may be worse, reaction time can slow down, and ordinary decisions may take more effort. Mood can be affected as well.
And when this happens night after night, another problem appears: sleep debt. Sleeping longer when you have the opportunity certainly helps, but recovery is not always as simple as replacing every lost hour the following weekend.
Sleep, headaches, and migraine
There is another connection I often find clinically relevant: headaches.
Sleep and headache disorders have a complicated relationship. Too little sleep, irregular schedules, and changes in normal sleep patterns can all matter for people who are prone to headaches.
For someone with migraine, disrupted sleep may be one of several triggers occurring at the same time. New parents may also be dealing with stress, irregular meals, more caffeine, and major changes in their daily routine.
That does not mean fragmented sleep automatically causes migraine. But if headaches become more frequent during a period of poor sleep, the connection is worth noticing.
What can parents realistically do?
Telling a new parent to “get eight hours of sleep” is not very useful advice.
Sometimes the more realistic goal is simply to protect a longer block of uninterrupted sleep. If there are two caregivers, taking turns with nighttime responsibilities may help. A nap can also be useful when nighttime sleep has been particularly short.
And when there is finally a chance to sleep, it may be worth actually using it for sleep rather than giving another hour to work, scrolling, or Netflix — although every exhausted parent knows how tempting that quiet hour can be.
There is no perfect solution. A baby does not care about sleep hygiene guidelines.
Fortunately, for most parents, this stage does not last forever. Children grow, routines change, and sleep gradually becomes more predictable again.
Until then, it helps to remember that feeling exhausted does not necessarily mean you “should be fine” because you technically slept six or seven hours.
Sometimes those hours were simply broken into too many pieces.